Panic attacks

You’re living your day just fine then all of a sudden an intense wave of anxiety flushes over. Hands get fidgety. Heart starts racing. Unsettling feeling sets in the pit of the stomach. What is it? Dots cannot be connected of what is going on.  Warmth floods outward from the center of the chest. Tears […]

good enough

I have a severe fear of “fucking my child up”. I expect a LOT of myself as a mother. When I first had my son, I felt I had to make up for the fact that he had no father. I lacked severely in discipline because of this. I felt awful for disciplining him, so […]

Suicide

That’s never an easy word. I was 11 when I first wanted the pain to end. I didn’t know that it had a name to it. I was 16 when I first was personally touched by suicide. July 29, 2004.  A girl about a year younger than me that I had met through soccer took […]

Expectations

I have learned to have as little expectations from people as possible. This leaves less room for me to get hurt. Over the years I have had the ability to feel emotions and feelings on the level of “normal” people, shocking I know! Going through the counseling program, I have noticed how vulnerable I feel […]

Raising an “abuser’s child”

A dear friend of mine has been an activist about “raising a rapists baby” after getting pregnant from a brutal rape. I have admired her strength to not only continue to pursue life to the best of her ability but her strength to be a voice for other individuals who have struggled with fears after […]

Part of PTSD is intrusive memories, nightmares, recurrent thoughts, etc. My PTSD is manageable but it hasn’t always been. I have actually only had one panic attack in the past 3 or so years which is amazing. I get a lot of anxiety but I have learned to manage it. I no longer am scared […]

Pregnancy With ED

As I watched To The Bone last night from Netflix, I couldn’t help but feel it was just yet another movie showing a poor example of eating disorders. Yes, there were moments where I was like YES THANK YOU! but overall, it was a poor description of treatment, how inpatient truly is like, doctors, etc […]